Allow me to introduce you to the newest member of my family! I will not shy away from the fact that this is a monumental act of stupidity. I bought a 1990 Jaguar XJ-S (for $1,500) from a person on Facebook that never registered the car, doesn’t know that you have to tighten battery cables more than hand-tight in order for the car to crank and run properly, doesn’t know how to diagnose simple issues (he thought the driver’s side door switch was not working correctly, but it was the passenger’s), and doesn’t know the difference between fine thread and coarse thread. Also, the wife has hated the car from the moment she saw it; this does not help my chances of avoiding the doghouse on this one.
I purchased this car with the intention of driving it back and forth to work - a grueling journey of 1.5 miles one way. This is the only way I would be able to buy one of these cars. I am going to do the simplest fixes and avoid a full restoration for now, just to keep it from bankrupting me. This doesn’t mean I will not be taking care of the car, but it does mean that I will not be fixing cosmetic issues beyond ensuring that they do not become problematic mechanical ones. The radio and speakers are missing, and someone has replaced the factory clock and readouts with some ugly purple clock that, surprise, isn’t working. I work at a company that does electrical engineering work. Since I do a lot of troubleshooting and repairing in my job the electrical gremlins don’t scare me, and I have access to many things that might help with repairs.
So, on to the issues! As one might expect, there are quite a few known (as discussed with the owner) and surprise issues with a car in this condition. Almost nothing I have run into so far has been unique to this car (they are the same things that would go wrong on ANY car that has been treated this way) with the exception of the current issue of the B bank not firing anymore. Here is a list, in order, of all the problems I have found so far and what has been done (if anything) to fix them:
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Car has trouble cranking. The man looked surprised when I took out wrenches to tighten the battery clamps to the battery when we first attempted to start the car (he indicated that he had disconnected the battery to protect it from being drained by the vehicle while he wasn’t driving it.) Wouldn’t you know, a good electrical connection makes a huge difference!
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Primary fan loose. Cause: Previous Idiot attempted to tighten 5/16-18 coarse thread nuts on 5/16-24 fine thread studs. This ruined the studs. Solution: Replaced with bolts from Lowe’s (this being a Saturday and the nearest parts store was out of fine thread studs, go figure. Also, I was surprised at how few retailers carry any kind of fine thread hardware.)
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The driver’s side window switch does not roll the window up. Previous Owner’s solution? Unplug the passenger switch and plug the Driver’s side connector to it to roll the window up. This solution will no longer work, as two days after purchase the switch basically disintegrated somehow while I was inside at work. New switches are on order and will be here Friday (hopefully).
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The old windshield wipers were disintegrated. I replaced them with the cheapest Wal-Mart has to offer for a temporary solution. Which leads me to:
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The windshield wipers don’t work. Opening the motor revealed a rusted mess with loose magnets, as I am sure many of you are familiar with. Currently the motor is in pieces so I can clean it and reattach the magnets while on break at work.
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The Air Conditioner does not work. I have never bought a car more than 10 years old with a functional A/C, so this is no surprise and not really a big deal at the moment.
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The instrument cluster is having… issues. The speedometer, tachometer, and oil pressure gauge all have a tendency to call in sick to work or decide to take unannounced breaks. This caused quite a scare the first time it happened, as oil pressure dropped to zero.
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The alternator wasn’t charging the battery. I had two theories: Either the alternator was too small for the engine, or it was nearing the end of its life. Thankfully I was wrong on both counts! It turns out that the alternator was not tensioned properly. I had to adjust the nut a full inch to get the belt tight enough! At least this was a pleasant reminder that many times the simplest solution is the best.
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Speaking of the alternator, the bolt holding the tensioner arm on did not have a nut on it… Simple fix, very annoying.
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Speaking of missing hardware, the driver’s side valve cover appears to be missing a nut. There is a small amount of oil leaking from that spot.
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The parking brake does not work. It probably needs a new cable.
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The brake warning light is always on. There is enough fluid in the system and the car stops easily enough. I’ll get a better look at what’s wrong when I flush the system.
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The coolant light is on, despite the coolant being at acceptable levels. Once again I will see what’s going on when I drain and flush the system.
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There are two missing hoses that go to… something. One is behind and a bit below the alternator and the other is at the back of the engine. I will sort these out later, though I do think it may have something to do with the A/C.
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The cruise control doesn’t work.
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When the engine is hot (it isn’t really overheating, at least according to the temp gauge) and the car stops (say at a stop sign) it has a tendency to cut off and not crank again for a few minutes. I suspect the engine speed sensor is the culprit, as I have read that it does not like the heat very much.
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The reverse lights do not work.
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The headlights aren’t all working properly. The solution to this is likely in the next item.
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There are multiple frayed, broken, brittle wires in the engine compartment (and behind the headlights as a closer look found out!) that will have to be replaced. This will be done a little at a time. I’m going to buy new connectors for each harness and replace the wiring with some improved higher temp type.
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This is actually out of order, as it was one of the first things I noticed but thought that it was the fan. I am not typing this out in Word and am too lazy to renumber everything, so it goes here. There is a faint rattle as the engine runs. I have a scope that I can insert into the spark plug hole to see if anything is actually in the cylinders or if it is another culprit. Possible culprits include a dropped valve seal (I hope not), internals of the A/C Compressor, internals of Water Pump, internals of any of the other belt-driven components, and possibly a worn out pulley or bearing. I am looking into this problem right now, as there’s no good that can come from ignoring possible debris in a cylinder.
Items on the list as far as known fixes and improvements I’d like to make:
New plugs/wires. This is technically the item that has the Jag sidelined for now, as the new plug wires won’t be here until Friday. I am installing the new plugs (with anti-seize!), taking the time to scope each cylinder while I have the plug out. It has also given me the chance to clean an old rat’s nest out of the valley.
Radiator flush and fill. Pretty self explanatory. I may look into getting a new radiator or having this one cored, but not until later unless it keeps running hot enough to cut off at stop signs. Not really an issue in the drive back and forth from work.
Transmission fluid change. Once again, self explanatory.
Brake fluid change/system flush. I really don’t trust any of the existing fluids in the car.
Oil change.
Complete hose replacement. Someone has already started this, as is evidenced by the number of screw type hose clamps under the hood. I’m going after the worst first, then I’ll come back and eliminate all the ones that have already been (somewhat shoddily) replaced.
Replace/change the exhaust. Someone at some point opened up the air intake a bit and eliminated some of the more restrictive portions of the exhaust. I wouldn’t have a complaint, but now the car sounds like a fart-canned civic (but much smoother!), just slightly lower. I need to find a combination that won’t wake everyone up at 5 AM while still allowing me to let everyone know what I have when I punch it.
As it is now, the car is not in good running condition. It will work to limp around, but is not where it needs to be. One thing I did notice: When driving it home on the interstate that first night it was sublime. I fell in love with the smoothness of the revs and the way the car was just asking for me to push that pedal a little harder. I’ve owned some cars over the years that you had to plead with to get up and go, and even then it took them some time. I’ve owned some cars that did what you wanted and suggested that they would do nothing else, even though there was plenty more they could give. I’ve only owned one other car that felt like it wanted me to go faster all the time, and that was a 2012 Mustang GT with a performance pack. This car wants it even more than that Mustang did, at least on the interstate. I am happy that for now common sense has overridden that voice, and that I won’t have to deal with it much while commuting to work. I’ll just have to keep that in mind the next time I get out to where I have open highway in front of me.
The Score So Far:
Total Time Driven: 3 hours (I’m rounding up, but give me a break on that if you don’t mind.)
Total Time Spent Repairing: 11 hours (and counting)
Joy to Repair Ratio: .27
Wife Aggravation Level: 7 (Down from a 10 at one point Saturday. Crying babies tend to do that.)
