[xj] Could not resist sending to the list

Alan_Howard · February 15, 2001, 9:44pm

This was forwarded to me by a friend.>

Hey!! here’s a laugh or two …

This is an absolute classic!!! Read this
slowly…This
is a bricklayer’s accident report, which was
printed in the newsletter of the Australian
equivalent of the NZ Workers’ Compensation Board.
This is a true story. Had this guy
died, he’d have received a Darwin Award for sure…

Dear Sir
I am writing in response to your request for
additional
information in Block 3 of the accident report form.
I put “poor
planning” as the cause of >my accident. You asked
for a fuller explanation and I trust the following
details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by
trade. On the day of the accident, I was working
alone on the roof of a new six storey building. When
I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks
left over which, when >weighed later were found to
be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry
the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in
a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to
the side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the
roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks
into it. Then I went down nd untied the rope,
holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the
bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident
report form that I weigh 135lbs. Due to my surprise
at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost
my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the
rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate
up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the
third floor, I met the barrel which was now
proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed.
This
explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and
the broken
collarbone, as listed in section 3 of the accident
report
form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid
ascent, not
stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two
knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this
time I had regained my presence of mind and was able
to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the
excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel
of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of
the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks,
that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer
you again to my
weight.
As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down
the side of the building. In the vicinity of the
third floor, I met thebarrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken
tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower
body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The
encounter with the
barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my
injuries when >I fell into the pile of bricks and
fortunately only three
vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report,
however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in
pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and
presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay
there watching the empty barrel begin its journey
back down onto me. This explains the two broken
legs. I hope this answers your inquiry.

Dave

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–
MZï¿½

===================================================
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Craig_Sawyers2 · February 15, 2001, 10:34pm

This was forwarded to me by a friend.

Hey!! here’s a laugh or two …

This is an absolute classic!!! Read this
slowly…This
is a bricklayer’s accident report, which was
printed in the newsletter of the Australian
equivalent of the NZ Workers’ Compensation Board.
This is a true story. Had this guy
died, he’d have received a Darwin Award for sure…

Urban legend, alas. This anecdote was told originally by Gerard Hoffnung
(musical raconteur and comedian in the same mould as Victor Borge) in the
early 1950’s.

Craig===================================================
The archives and FAQ will answer many queries on the XJ series…
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Archives: http://www.jag-lovers.org/lists/search.html

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Loudon_Seth · February 16, 2001, 12:43am

Surely one of the wittiest men ever to breathe. He died at a very
young age, so I suppose he and Mr. Borge could indeed be said, sadly,
to be in the same mould…

You really have to hear it read in his inimitable voice. I think the
recording of his Oxford Union address from about 1958 that included
this hysterical anecdote is still available. He claimed as I recall
that the original was from a letter published in the Bulletin of the
Federation of Civil Engineering Contractors. And at the risk of being
told to take it to the pub here are a few gems from replies
supposedly received to letters asking about hotel accommodations in
the Dolomites:

“I am sending you my prices. If I am dear to you and your mistress
she might perhaps be reduced. We are also noted for having
children…”

“Dear Madam: I am honorable to accept your impossible request. Sadly
it is, here we have no bedroom with bath. A bathroom with bed I have.
I can, though, give you a washing in a most clean spring with no one
to see. I insist that you will enjoy this…”

“I am amazing diverted by your entreaty for a room. I can offer you a
commodious chamber with balcony, imminent to a romantic gorge, so I
do hope you will drop in…”

“A vivacious stream washes my doorstep, so do not concern yourself
that I am not too good in bath, for I am magnificent in bed…”

“Having recently taken over the propriety of this notorious house, I
am wishful that you remove to me your esteemed costume…”

“There is a French widow in every bedroom, affording the most
delightful prospects…”

“Here you shall be well fed-up and agreeably drunk. I give personal
look to the interior wants of each guest. Our charges for weekly
visitors are scarcely creditable. Peculiar arrangements for gross
parties - our motto is ‘ever serve you right!’ [Obligatory Jaguar
content follows:)] Sorrowfully I cannot abide your auto…”

Cheers,
Loudon-

OK, I’ll take it to the pub O:-)

At 22:34 +0000 2.15.01, Craig Sawyers wrote:>

Urban legend, alas. This anecdote was told originally by Gerard Hoffnung
(musical raconteur and comedian in the same mould as Victor Borge) in the
early 1950’s.

Craig

===================================================
The archives and FAQ will answer many queries on the XJ series…
FAQs: http://www.jag-lovers.org/xjlovers/xjfaq/xjfaq.html
Archives: http://www.jag-lovers.org/lists/search.html

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Lance_Wayman · February 16, 2001, 1:53am

This is one of the classics. I have a copy that was supposedly reprinted in the Manchester Guardian in 1958. Location changed to Barbados, and somewhat simpler in the story.

A striking lesson in keeping the upper lip stiff is given in a recent number of the weekly bulletin of the Federation of Civil Engineering Contractors, which prints the following letter from a bricklayer in Barbados to the firm for whom he worked:

  "When I got to the building, I found that the hurricane had knocked some bricks off the top. So I rigged up a beam with a pulley at the top of the building and hoisted up a couple of barrels full of bricks. When I had fixed the building there was a lot of bricks left over. I hoisted the barrel back up again and secured the line at the bottom, and then went up and filled the barrel with extra bricks. Then I went to the bottom and eased off the line. Unfortunately, the barrel of bricks was heavier than I was, and before I knew what was happening the barrel started down, jerking me off the ground.  I decided to hang on and half way up I met the barrel coming down and received a severe blow on the shoulder. I then continued to the top, banging my head against the beam and getting my fingers jammed in the pulley. When the barrel hit the ground it bursted its bottom, allowing all the bricks to spill out. I was now heavier than the barrel and so started down again at high speed. Half way down, I met the barrel coming up and received severe injuries to my shin. When I hit the ground I landed on the bricks, getting several painful cuts from the sharp edges.
   "At this point I must have. lost my presence of mind, because I let go the line.   The barrel then came down giving me another heavy blow on the head and putting me in hospital.  I respectfully request sick leave."

Lance
1980 XJ6
1967 MG B GT
1930 MG M

Loudon Seth sethl@earthlink.net 2/15/01 4:43:35 PM >>>
Surely one of the wittiest men ever to breathe. He died at a very
young age, so I suppose he and Mr. Borge could indeed be said, sadly,
to be in the same mould…